I’ve made fear my friend. I’ve had to. Just like a presidential candidate at a state primary, he/she/it always shows up.

It showed up uninvited the first time I was asked to speak. It still shows up today when my name is called and I’m thrust into the spotlight. I’ve asked it to leave, but it pays no attention. I’ve begged it to stay away by preparing more thoroughly, and guess what? It came earlier and stayed longer! In fact, I’ve noticed it doesn’t make any difference how big the audience is, who’s in the room, how prepared I feel, or if it’s for a fee or free.

That jolt of fear is as predictable as my monthly cable bill.

Gosh, Steve, have you sought professional help? Do you think you’ll ever find a cure? How do you cope? Yes, no, and I’ve developed six ways to cope. I’ll share one of my favorites with you in this article.

One of the keys to learning how to cope with the fear is to figure out where it comes from. See if you can relate.

When it’s your turn to face all those pairs of eyes looking right at you, the thought that seems to jump up is: “I’ve got to be perfect!” Now pay attention to where that is coming from. It doesn’t come from the audience. It comes from you. But you never demand perfection of yourself during a normal conversation or when you participate in a meeting. Now you decide (unconsciously) that you can’t screw up - not even once. Talk about pressure!

So your job in this situation is to change your thinking. Decide like I did that perfection is overrated. In fact, it’s not even natural! Do your best and when you fluff a word, lose your train of thought, or drop a note card, pause, take a breath, and continue “as if.”

There are other thoughts that raise our stress level. “There’s so much riding on this!” “Nobody likes me!” “I must look soooo nervous!” The good news is you can eliminate that kind of thinking and replace it with more constructive - and more accurate - thoughts.

Changing your thinking is key to handling stress and feeling more in control.